April 20, 2020
"There's just you, and the thing that sparked you to make this...it's time to get to work!" - Martin Scorsese
As Swami Rahananda writes, "Writing (any art) collects, stores your learning, makes evident your responses to what Life is giving you, takes you to yourself more deeply, carries your experience and nourishes you."
I return to my writing, in a format that may be recorded formally and shared. A hiatus was required to bring me to this precise moment and time and, as one's art never really dies --but only sleeps or hibernates, incubates and gathers, then expresses itself with great urgency and necessity -- I follow a "tried and true process" of creative output, using the resources most readily available at this time for this expression.
PAST CHAPTER: April 2016
Four years ago I came to this place, the Planes of Fame Air Museum, on a grand adventure in personal growth and challenge and exploration. It has not failed me in this, nor let me think for one moment it is an easy undertaking. With the specific goal of attaining the practical training required to obtain an Airframe & Powerplant Aircraft Mechanic certification, I stumbled into another of the many open doors leading me to take bold measures to fulfill that dream. It wasn't without careful forethought, prayer and time that I removed myself from an art business I had managed to grow over the 15 years it took to raise two children and manage a home, entertain volunteer opportunities and a yoga teaching/practice. I changed my trajectory drastically, understanding that this decision would affect those people for whom I cared most. My great need for exploration, challenge, growth and greater shared experiences pushed me forward.
During my seven days in Joshua Tree National Park, April 4 -11 of 2016, I backcountry camped - prepared to stay as long as it took to reach a sense of resolve in this "vision quest." I crashed a Kundalini Yoga Retreat at 3 a.m. one morning. I camped with the ravens and lizards below a sheltering rock, with only the sounds of the wind rushing through yucca and creosote as background music. The rising sun on the golden boulders was silently inspiring. I practiced asanas atop the highest rock. I ate beans from a box. The first night I arrived at Pine Hills, I prepared to sleep in my rented SUV at the trailhead, until a group of young scouts took to the trail after sundown, as a merry band, allowing me to tag along behind them. I embraced this retreat. I was alone, but never lonely.
On day seven, I was treating myself to Pad Thai in town when I received a response to the gorgeous photos I'd finally been able to share online. I accepted an invitation to drive to Cathedral City/Palm Springs that evening to meet Joe for dinner. He was a pilot friend I hadn't seen for a couple years. We met on one of my outings as volunteer flight engineer on the B-17 Flying Fortress, with the Collings Foundation "Wings of Freedom" tour. Over margaritas and tacos, we caught up in the telling of life stories, and I shared my grand idea of working toward an A&P certificate. In his yellow Corvette, we drove to the SkyWest maintenance hangar, to which he had access as their pilot, and I was introduced to "options." This option was certainly foreign to me, not the "field standards" I was accustomed to in working with vintage bombers on a nationwide tour! I could not envision such a working environment. My resourceful, creative soul would not have it!
Upon further discussion, prior to a deep tub bath and a deep sleep on Joe's sofa, I was shown another open door, in the way of a strong suggestion. "If you are serious about this idea, you need to drive to Planes of Fame in Chino, and talk to Pete Blood." A day later, I did just that. I wandered through the museum, drooling over this amazing collection of flying vintage aircraft, gaining strength in my desire to pursue a new career in keeping them flying! I finally asked a shop worker about finding Pete. I was taken outside the ramp gate to a separate fenced area holding a giant Lockheed Constellation. This is where I was introduced to Pete and "the Connie project," on which he and only one other person were working. Pete was named project manager after being hired by the aircraft's new owner, Rod, to have it restored by the aircraft's previous owner, Planes of Fame/Fighter Rebuilders here in Chino. Pete and a small gang of mechanics had just spent 10 months in Valle, Arizona "waking up" the plane in order to ferry it to Chino for an "inspect and repair as needed" restoration. It was flown into Chino in January 2016, and here I was in April, looking for practical experience, meeting a manager who "needed all the help he could get." I was given a task less than an hour later, an acid test of sorts, to see if I knew anything. I knew next to NOTHING, and was clear about this upfront. However, it didn't take long for Pete to see that what I lacked in knowledge I made up for in a willingness to learn, common sense and a good work ethic… very valuable assets in this current day, and in any employment situation.
Rather than drive nearly an hour-point-five back to my campsite, I accepted a room in a large home in Corona, leased to Pete and Josh. A mattress from the garage was thrown down on the floor, and I fell into it, excited and lonely all at once. The next day, I rode to the airport with this colorful Pete. I find he has much to say, always punctuated with expletives. I was introduced to the Fighter Rebuilders shop owner, famed pilot Steve Hinton, and others. I began my career trotting around after Pete, being a gopher for tools, unsure of their names and which one was needed, so bringing "a few" in attempt to cover the bases! I worked alongside him each day, learning techniques and tips and tricks. I assisted in preparing museum aircraft for the upcoming airshow, and worked the show from the hot ramp tug. I had a huge uphill learning curve to confront, but in Pete, I had a highly skilled teacher from which to learn. Pete has many qualities which I admire greatly, and a few that took months to accept. He is fiery and outspoken, brilliant and generous, and it only took a few days before he chose me to learn with him, in more ways than one...
He and I took after hours time to fly in the red Stearman, a celebrity in its own right. Six weeks after arriving in Chino, I travelled to Missouri to attend Gabe's graduation. During that time, Pete somersaulted the Stearman on landing at Gillespie Field. He was barely hurt, but the craft suffered significant damage. When I returned, I agreed to assist Pete in rebuilding the borrowed plane, which he offered to fund out of pocket. For many volunteer friends and I, it was a great gift of a learning opportunity. I began daily work, paid hourly by Pete's generosity, taking the pieces of the wreckage to bare bones to be made whole again Many weekends and evenings were spent on this project, after funding was approved to put a crew on the Connie project. I was thrown into the pool and forced to swim -- just what I hoped for! In December, eight months after arriving, I became the first female mechanic to be employed by Fighter Rebuilders in 35 years. I now worked alongside Pete with five other shop employees on the Lockheed Constellation. In April, two years later, I went to Tennessee to pass the General, Airframe and Powerplant written exams. A year later, exactly three years to the day after walking into Planes of Fame, I passed the Oral and Practical exams to receive certification and achieve my hard won goal.
Though fate seemed to be having her glorious way with my life, I daily acknowledged those blessings in heart and spirit... but in mind and body, it was not easy. Being a "grunt newbie," who had never before worked such a intense schedule in manual labor, it was often only my willful determination that got me through the day.
CURRENT AWARENESS: April 2020
It's Saturday, April 18. I have set the stage for some much needed "Kel Time." Yes, my work in disassembling a P-51D Mustang for restoration can be considered creative, yet it must adhere to logical and technical constructs, and much deconstruction prior to that, which generally employs way more left-brain thinking than what I am comfortable with! It can bring a sense of discontentment with my life and a stirring feeling to flee this situation and find a joyful balance again... I made a change, just this week, that may help with this conflicted feeling. I accepted the invitation to change my work schedule to (4) 10hr days weekly. This is the first weekend I try it on for size.
Earlier this week, I chose a list of old favorite recipes and spent time and money gathering ingredients to add to the pantry of the 36ft Flagstaff RV trailer which I share. (It was newly purchased by Pete and positioned under the wing of the Constellation three-point-five years ago.)
I cued Audible book "The Art Spirit" by Robert Henri on the home speaker, lit the electric fireplace and began slicing peppers, rinsing slaw, dicing squash, washing carrots, breaking celery, shredding cheese and pre-staging for the planned meals for the week. At 3:45, Pete called to say they are finally hanging the engine on the Hellcat. I rode my bike out under the thick dark clouds, feeling the severe drop in temperature, to join the eight present for this momentous event. Shared stories and celebratory beers once the Cat was pushed back into the shop to await its reconstructed wings to be hung.
I made a bitchin Schezuan Stir Fry and rice in minutes (love that InstaPot given us by Stevo & Jane!) I'm relishing this creative outlet. I also renew my commitment to blogging, with a twist. I plan to research a topic of interest each week, for the purpose of engaging my openness to new things to learn and know, and hopefully stir my waning imagination in the process. My best musings still come to me in the wee hours of the morning, when my mind is still, so when Pete rises at 6:15 to nourish his soul in flight (The red Stearman lives! Restoration completed in June, 2019, filmed at Paramount studio for a movie, then serving as a trainer for Pete's 24 hours of time before being "given the keys" to take flights with passengers again) I may rise to write.
There is a slow shift now as I take steps to carve out time and space, in which to reinvest in other desires and soulful stirrings. I've ever cultivated an eye for seeing beauty, and I realize now, standing in a very different "pragmatic place," that so much of my life -- my decisions, emotions, memories -- have been fed by imagination and dreamy visions, youthful romantic ways of viewing the world and others. That is a naïve and beautiful way to live, and I guess I'm lucky to have been in such a pleasant bubble for so many years of existence! Now, in a more "grownup maturity," I can't seem to find the fun, the beauty, the dreamy, the hopeful as easily. Now a real effort must be made, a mental discipline to recommit to the work, as well as my personal balance, over and over and over again. I'm in a work-a-day world now, where there seems to be some unspoken merit in persevering when nothing comes free and nothing comes easily. It seems those who are pushed into this lifestyle at an early age become workaholic, because that's what they're taught will bring satisfaction. I do understand the importance of a good work ethic and doing an honest day's work, but my temperament seems to require three necessities of space and leisure and daydreams to cultivate wild imaginings! Perhaps I am more of a seeker of experience in order to observe more about mySelf as I interact with the world of form. This new chapter of personal growth has been intense, difficult and hardcore, bringing me to know and experience what it is like to exist in this world. I know because I've explored it, and have come to know and experience the true feeling of it for myself. It takes a deep courage to wade through such new and different worlds of experience, and I often feel in a kind of limbo, often resistant to the change, grieving the loss of the known, the youthfulness I fear will never return.
This recent "quarantine" event, (when "work is what there is to do,"...and I am very grateful for it,) being denied travel and social gathering and vital changes of scenery, first brought a feeling of great resistance and a "need to bolt!" That has become, through prayers and patience with myself, a yogic release into acceptance, gratefulness and an embracing of WHAT IS. This mental "spank" brings my willfulness into submission and brings peace in a sense of disciplined direction. I then can embrace the work in the body and mind AND find the yogic balance that encourages Life energies to flow freely, unobstructed and unresisted. This is to thrive in work AND thrive in wellness of soul and heart. "Flow" is encompassing all the dimensions in balanced proportion.
Currently I am affording myself four long days immersed in making and restoring aircraft and three days of autonomy to nourish myself at my leisure. I know what nourishes my soul, and though not every option is available to meat this time of pandemic, I am resourceful and skilled enough to do what I know. Nourishing, for me, may include practice on the mat, mindfully making and eating foods, exercise and wellness routines, rest, reflecting and writing, prayer and meditation, gathering input and learning, reading, exploring... The expression comes as creative response to these times of gathering, in writing, sketching, discussing, making, giving, encouraging, supporting... It seems quality input/gathering makes for quality ouput/expressions, with leisure time between to incubate ideas.
"Inner strength and independence does not manifest in selfishness or in doing things our way to "get what we want," but rather in the ability to make decisions, think clearly and be courageous IN THE FLOW. This requires committing to the work, over and over again." - Swami Rahananda in her book "Living the Practice: Collected Writings on the Transformative Power of Yoga."
NEW KNOWLEDGE:
"Rosie the Riveter in Long Beach" by Gerrie Schipske
Research in preparation of a museum exhibit showcasing the efforts of women factory workers and W.A.S.P. during wartime. The exhibit steel stand has been welded with castering wheels. The next step is to lift a 15ft segment of DC3 cockpit from "the boneyard" to place on the stand, before a thorough cleaning out and transformation takes place in the months to follow. I hope to involve a group of women volunteers to assist with this project.
