I've been led with full provisions to this harsh but inviting place. Step by step, thoughts and awareness are given, and like the compulsive tourist, I take copious notes and record the journey with photos. The photos and updates can be found on the Facebook, just because it's easier when I find the elusive internet connection. The more meaningful, unseen steps of the journey reside here in the raw and unorganized way that they are given to me. Walk with me for a time, if you will...
It's been said I am a mystery. When I feel sure I've become a mystery to myself, it's time to pause and reassess. I feel an overwhelming pull toward space and independence, wanting to delve deeper and find my own voice, without outside influence. I'm called to a sabbatical, re-centering and re-aligning myself daily.
DAY 1
I'm shaking as I write, sitting on the grass in the midday sun at the bus stop, watching family drive away. I'm realizing I'm under more turmoil than imagined, trying not to lose the brave resolve that has pushed me to this point over these last weeks, even months. My lover reminds me before departing that this is a time to connect with the One. Indeed, but for as long as I've known, these precious people are those the One has given to connect with, grow with, learn with and rejoice with! It feels so scary and strange this time, going away with no friends to embrace me! No, this time I'm to embrace mySelf with its current fears of loneliness, shortcomings and busy mindedness and JUST BE.